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[sticky post] About Me

Semi-Friends Only

Warning: I love unabashedly and fully
- I probably love a character you dislike -
Haters leave your hate at the door or don't come in.
The "About Me" PartCollapse )

That inevitable list of fandoms and ships:

Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Dawn, Faith, Tara, Anya, Spike, Ford, Willow, Buffy
Dawn/Spike (friendship)

Angel the Series
Cordy, Fred, Wesley, Lilah, Illyria, Spike

The Vampire Diaries
Elena, Caroline, Jeremy, Anna, Katherine, Rebekah,Katherine

Sydney, Spydaddy, Sark
Jack/his face

Merlin, Morgan

Dance Academy
Abby, Kat, Christian

Doctor Who
10, 11, Amelia Pond, Rory Pond, River Song, Martha, Clara, Tardis

Gossip Girl
Jenny, Blair

Rachel, Kurt, Burt, Puck, Quinn, Santana
Rachel/Kurt (friendship)

Game of Thrones
Arya, Sansa, Dani

Hart of Dixie
Lemon, Zoe, Levon, Wade


Dean, Jo, Bela, Anna, Ruby
Dean/his Grim Reaper

Jade, Cat, Beck, Tori

Wizards of Waverly Place
Alex Russo

Twin Peaks
Audrey Horne

Isabel, Maria, Kyle, Michael, Tess, alt!Tess, future!Max

Kate, Cassidy, Juliet, Sayid, Shannon, Jack, Sawyer, Ben, Jin
Jack/Ana Lucia

Once Upon a Time
Regina, Ruby, Emma, Pan, Belle, Hook

Veronica Mars
Veronica, Mac, Weevil, Logan

Boy Meets World
Rachel, Angela, Topanga, Shawn, Eric

Teen Wolf
Allison, Lydia, Danny, Isaac

Lost Girl
Kenzi, Tamsin

Crossover/AU ships
Dawn Summers/Kim Sunggyu
Dawn Summers/Allison Argent
Dawn Summers/Bella Swan
Dawn Summers/Clary Fray
Faith Lehane/Ruby 2.0
Buffy Summers/Obi Wan Kenobi

The Long-Suffering Wives Club
Fei, Spike, Woohyun, Dean Winchester

The Very-Confused Husbands Club
Jia, Buffy, Sunggyu, Castiel

The Korean Dramas I Have Seen:
Boys Over Flowers
Goong (Princess Hours)
City Hunter
Coffee Prince

You're Beautiful
Lie to Me
Flower Boy Next Door
The Heirs

The Ultimate Fic List
(divided by fandom)
all the fic (for the most part)Collapse )
it started as a whim and turned into an obsessionCollapse )

[fic] do's and don'ts at community college

fic: rule number one - don't fall in love with a girl who is more you than you
fandom: community/btvs
pairing: annie/dawn
word count:1754
disclaimer: fml dawn is my queer queen okay? let's see how many girls she can kiss this week (aka this is all doris' fault. do not recommend.)
summary: she's just like you... only a little less rachel berry and a little more thora birch

Annie Edison always has the right answer.
Annie Edison always is the first to raise her hand.
Annie Edison always keeps her books neat and her pencils sharpened.
Annie Edison absolutely never has ink stains on her fingers or mascara smudged under her eyes or a run in her stockings.

Annie Edison has done one thing right in her life and that's being a student at Community College.

(She doesn't count High School as getting it right.)

(Abed says everyone gets a training level and while his metaphors are usually about television and not about video games she nods along to this as they brush their teeth side by side in the matching pj's Troy sent them in this month's care package because she firmly believes in being properly trained for any undertaking.)

Annie Edison is a model student (and she is not going to be sad that this is her greatest achievement, she is not) and every hair is in place and her earrings match her shoes match her necklace match her panties because she dresses for the part (goddamnit).

Which is why it is absolutely reprehensible that the girl with scribbled-upon sneakers and smudged mascara and oversized t-shirt snapping her gum while reading a paperback with her legs propped up on her desk should have gotten the highest grade on the pop quiz in Applied Linguistics 120.

(“There’s a hole in her jeans. And I don’t even think it was intentional,” is Britta’s comment and Annie thanks her with a smile.
“I’ve never heard her talk,” Shirley says with her arm around Annie’s shoulder in the bathroom after class, “Maybe she cheated!”
“It seems like her oversized t-shirts and holey jeans are neither ironic nor a symptom of true poverty, which suggests she is just neglectful about her appearance, which has never happened her before,” Abed says mostly to his notebook. He keeps tallies on most of the students of interest at the school.
And a girl who surpasses Annie Edison in Applied Linguistics 120 is definitely a student of interest.)

Three weeks into the semester the girl with long brown hair that gently (but not at all attractively) curls at the ends suddenly loses the baggy t-shirts and dirty jeans and replaces them with a wardrobe of cute leggings and mini-skirts and flowy tops and a shoe collection that Annie does not, definitely does not, notice NOR covet.

That would be silly.

She also interrupts Annie’s correct answer to a very, very tough question in gibberish. (With her legs still on her desk and her mouth still full of gum and a paperback still in her hands and no notes or highlighters or even a textbook to be seen.)

“Well, I’m pretty sure if the professor wanted us to all speak in gibberish, he would have asked,” Annie bites out without deigning to turn her head in the girl’s direction.
(In her periphery she can see the girl put her feet on the floor and rest her elbows on her knees, the paperback held in one hand with her forefinger keeping her place.)
“Forgive me, of course answering the question about Archaic Latin by using Archaic Latin was rather silly, wasn’t it?”

(Annie does not, definitely does not, linger outside the Linguistics office with her ear to the door, unsuccessfully eavesdropping on the girl helping the professors with their research into ancient languages Annie is 99.999% positive the girl with the really nice shoes who used to wear baggy t-shirts just made up to get attention.)

(Annie does not, definitely does not, linger outside Abed’s door that night begging him to teach her Arabic refusing to take no for an answer and falling asleep propped up against his door and does not (surely not) have a text from Jeff in the morning warning that if she falls asleep in the hallway again he’s not coming over to rescue Abed and she’ll just have to stay there, he’s not coming all the way down there to carry her to bed again and a text from Troy saying that she’ll always be the smartest girl he knows even if she only speaks English and some conversational Spanish and a few bad words in Italian and a basket of muffins waiting for her in the library from Shirley.)

“Hey do you know anything about this?”
The girl is standing next to her and its rather unsettling because Annie has never really focused on her standing and she’s much taller than she expected.
“I’m sorry, what?” she says as coldly as she can (after clearing her throat not at all nervously first).
“I’ve seen you in my Statistics class, right? Well I’m falling behind because,” she shrugs. “Anyway, you seem to have a real knack for numbers. Mind if I … I don’t know. Study buddies? I’ll supply you in coffee and baked treats?”
“We have Applied Linguistics together,” Annie says not at all coldly and mostly just confusedly.
“Yeah,” the long-legged girl with really pretty hair that used to cover them up in ragged jeans and baggy band tees and who always reads paperbacks in class but still knows all the answers plops down next to Annie in Shirley’s spot in the library because Annie is alone and defenseless and leans into her like they are old friends. “And you’re like… the only one who seems to have a clue what’s going on in that class. But we’re also in Stats. You probably didn’t notice ‘cause I sit way in the back and am sometimes asleep because hello math is so not funny unless terodactlyes are involved, right?”
Annie just stares back stupefied.
“My name’s Dawn, by the way. You’re Annie, right?”
“So… you need my help?”
“Seriously math is the bane of my existence. You’d be doing me a huge favor.”
“Um. Sure. How about at my apartment around seven?”
“I’ll bring pizza if you bring your brain.”
“ . . . “
“That sounded way less creepy in my head.”

(When she leaves, Abed remarks, “She’s just like you. Only a little less Rachel Berry and a little more Thora Birch from American Beauty. You know?” He then stares at her suspiciously. “You aren’t going to be performing any musical numbers in the living room are you, because that’s strictly against the apartment rules unless in cases of zombie apocalypse or Jeff coming out of the closet.”)

(Abed did not, definitely did not come home to find Annie straddling the untidy girl with really great shoes on the couch, her hands wrapped up in that long brown hair and pulling a little harder than she’d ever like and that bottom lip between her teeth.)

“Hope you don’t mind anchovies.”
“Um. Gross?”
Dawn laughs and opens the box, “Don’t worry, I only had them put it on my half. I got you plain cheese because I figured that was safest.”
Studying with Dawn is an exercise in futility because she doesn’t sit still – ever – and gets pizza sauce on her notes and falls over her own feet every time she tries to balance herself down the narrow hallway to the bathroom. She’s wearing old jeans and a Def Leppard t-shirt that is so stretched out it hangs off one of her narrow shoulders (not at all attractively).
“Um.” Annie nearly works up the courage to ask but then just leans back in her chair and smiles uncomfortably because personal questions lead to personal revelations lead to a person sitting across from her at the table instead of a nemesis and a nemesis is so much easier to hate than a girl who can’t stop smiling and is so endearingly terrible at math and apparently has zero control over her limbs at any given moment.
“Um?” Dawn’s eyes twinkle and Annie finds herself smiling back (but not at all affectionately).
“It’s just… the … clothes?”
Dawn looks down, “Guh my roommate… there was some sort of accident or something and my wardrobe got caught in the crossfire so everything is in the wash or at the cleaners and I had to borrow his stuff. Again.”
“His stuff? Again?”
Dawn rolls her eyes and pulls her feet up onto her chair, hugging her knees to her chest, “My sister’s boyfriend actually. Here babysitting me. Or vise versa. I don’t know.” She shrugs and takes a swig of soda from the can in front of her, “I was rushed her to start semester and so I had to wear his old stuff for the first few weeks. I don’t even know where he’s been hiding all this stuff. Probably has had it all for forever.”
“Where’s your sister?”
“Hell if I know. Maybe Rome. She moves around a lot… for… um… her job.”
Annie nods like she understands, “It must have cost a fortune to ship all those shoes back over from Europe.”
Dawn’s nose wrinkles up as she smiles mischieviously, “Most of them aren’t even mine. She felt so guilty for sending me out here, she let me take stuff from her closet.”
“I wish I had a sister I could guilt-trip shoes out of.”
“Nah,” Dawn twirls her way to the couch and plops down on it, her feet (devoid of socks and with mismatched painted toes, as if she started a pedicure and changed her mind halfway through… three times) slung over the back, “ ‘Cause then you have a sister who has something to feel guilty for.”

Afterwards, Annie will insist that she was seduced. All those legs and talk of guilt – she just wanted that impish smile back. (They will all smile and not suggest that’s what she wanted all along.)

“The thing about perfection,” Dawn muses to herself while playing with Annie’s fingers, bringing her back to wakefulness from a small doze, “is that nothing else can ever quite measure up... I’d rather not measure up and be free to fall down than be too afraid to move.”

Annie Edison sometimes sleeps in past her alarm.
Annie Edison sometimes burns the pancakes (especially when her girlfriend kisses her on the back of the neck and wraps her arms around her waist).
Annie Edison sometimes gets distracted and doesn’t finish her homework two days ahead of schedule anymore.
Annie Edison sometimes stays awake to see the sunrise and is surprised by it.

Annie Edison is learning how to achieve perfection in new and slightly messy ways.

(But her panties still match her earrings because let’s face it, she’s not a heathen.)

A Low Key Summer Exchange
a multifandom gift exchange with a wild card

Sign-ups: July 17th - August 1st
Assignments due: September 1st
Reveals: September 8th

Come write all the lovely things!

NFM: a day late and a love letter short

In my defense, I am so exhausted I may fall over dead. Here's an update for you:

Firstly, I got two (OMG TWO) of the most amazing gifts for Night on Fic Mountain (seriously everyone go over there if you haven't trolled the archives for delicious things):

judy is a punk               Royal Tenenbaums; Margot(/Richie)  | 4350
Everywhere Margot sees her own name, the word "genius" follows. Margot has a sizeable IQ, an impressive vocabulary, and is versed in three languages but the word genius will be infinitely puzzling.
Probably one of the most delightful character studies I have ever read. My author is a perfect human being who managed to create the most wonderful piece about Margot and her relationship with her family, while weaving in enough of a genuine amount of shippiness that felt in-canon and so very, very true. Just a delightful piece that I will carry with me for a very long time.

Intensity and Steadiness           Anne of Green Gables; Anne and Diana  | 3049
Real friendship isn't only about the intensity of wanting to see each other every day, wanting to tell that person everything; it's also about the times when even if you don't see each other every day, talk to each other every day, even years, when you find time to see each other everything falls back together and it's like you were never really apart.
Just omg I can't with how precious this piece is. Anne and Diana and love and friendship. Just perfect. Absolutely lovely. Everyone should go read it.

I was so blessed by this exchange.

And mine:

rumor has it             Anne of Green Gables; Anne/Gilbert  | 4042
Modern Setting/ High School Anne Shirley's life filtered through the rumors you may or may not have heard about her
Exactly what it says it is. And I'm quite proud of it, honestly.

Also I won Mod's Choice icon in slayerstillness' Challenge 26 with this icon:

And here are the alternates (not all of these were submitted, but I don't really feel like doing the whole post where I tell you which I gave to the challenge and which are alternates or whatever.... so here's just a big pile of icons yay) .... (with some limited commentary)

The point of this challenge was to produce five icons from the same image.

06220202   06220207   06220220   06220223   06220225

06220229   06220244   06220247   06220249

Can we coo about this moment for just a hot minute? Look at our babies being so happy and alive and hugging each other! For as tactile they both seem to be, the physical interactions between the Summers sisters are always so restrained and deliberate. They are so careful with each other and you can see that in Dawn's arm - in the way Buffy's hair blocks her face from our view. Just one of the happiest moments of the series!

06220252   06220253   06220254   06220257   06220259   06220301

Dawn should be worshipped amen. I think I really screwed myself by not working on this set a bit longer and submitting this. I love how just... delightfully on the edge she looks in this moment. Right on the cusp of something. "Potential" is such a good episode for Michelle in general.

06221206   06221218   06220155   06220159

CAN WE JUST UGH OVER THIS MOMENT. Gorgeous, gorgeous girl. The screencap just didn't give me much to play with and I abandoned it early because it is too dark. The second one - the way the light catches her face - is perfect and exactly why I love the cap so much. But there isn't much I felt I could do with it.

06221228   06221232   06221234   06221236   06221252

06221259   06220100   06220105   06220153   06220146

Probably in my top five moments of the series in total. Dawn walking away from Buffy without saying goodbye and looking so determined, her hair swaying and her stride long and sure. And when Buffy turns, she's smiling with so much pride and love. It's just the most delightful moment of all moments. I get teary-eyed just thinking about it. Like with a lot of BtVS, the moment is just a wee bit too dark to get the vibrancy of the emotional moment to come through. No matter, I love having these on hand. It's an important moment to me and I will never not love it.

Also I've been writing porn (apparently)::

they'll never write a story about us | community | annie/abed
give me the child | btvs | spike/dawn | warnings: underage
swallow me whole | gossip girl | jack/georgie
almost lost you | gossip girl | blair/jenny(/the unsuspecting public)

[fic] delusions of grandeur

fic: delusions of grandeur
fandom: the 100
pairing: braven
summary: bellamy really wants to perform fellatio
word count: 590
recipient: upupa_epops (very late bday present my darling, ilu)
a/n: porn is the worst

Despite what the hundred might think Bellamy Blake did not have delusions of grandeur. He knew his place in the world and what he could do about it.

In his mind, there was a difference between what you had the power to do and what was impossible.

It’s just that there wasn’t much he thought he couldn’t change. Here. On Earth. Here, he was a Leader and a Rebel and a Shooter.

He had always been a brother and that in itself was the most impossible thing he had ever done.

Everything else was just child’s play.

(Everything else was just circumstantial.
Okay, so he was the King now. So he was such an easy choice.)

Everything that is, except Raven Reyes.

There were certain things about Raven Reyes that were impossible.

He counted them out to himself to pass the time.

The way her thighs gripped his waist.
The way her face softened when she thought no one was looking.
The way she bit down on her lower lip, as if he couldn’t see, to stop herself from self-exposure.
The way she kept coming back night after night, her eyes full of fire – daring him to stop her.
The way the outline of her neck and jaw drove him crazy.
The way she walked away.

Every time.

This list was really just a distraction.

Because it wasn’t like any other girl in the world couldn’t do these things. They weren’t impossible, they were just Raven.

All the pieces of Raven that she allowed him to see, that never added up to a real person.

She was a shadow, a ghost.
A warrior in the daylight and soft panting in his ear in the dark.

She wasn’t impossible.

She was just so damn elusive.

Bellamy Blake did not have delusions of grandeur.
He was, however, developing a disturbing need to feel her thighs shaking on either side of his head as he tasted her.

Which is ridiculous, really.

Except when she catches her breath in his ear and there’s a slight moan, ragged and wanting underneath, and he can almost tell what it would be like. Her fingers tied up in his hair, pulling just a little too hard.

She’d laugh, he thinks one night just after she pulls her shirt over her head and stares up at him defiantly. Probably after he nipped her in the thigh a little too lightly and right as she arches her hips up to remind him that she’s waiting. She’d probably laugh. Low and throaty. Looking down at him or with her eyes closed.

She’d laugh and he’d feel it rumble beneath his fingers and he’ll smile.

She was built for laughing, he thinks once as he watches her head bend down over a pile of bullets or bombs or a rag-tag assortment of wires, he can see it right there in the corner of her mouth.

She never laughs now. It’s not in the rules. That’s not the game they are playing.

Tonight, last night, it is just skin on skin, frenzied and not at all rough in the ways he thinks she’d like it to be. Never at all soft in the ways he’d like to show her it could be.

And never, ever, have they laughed.

(But he thinks, sometimes when his hands glide up her thighs and she doesn’t stop his lips from lingering on that soft spot behind her ear that causes her pulse to leap, that maybe he could make her laugh.

And it’s the most impossible thing he’s ever wanted.)
fic: what's so dangerous about a look in the dark?
fandom: the 100
characters: raven(/bellamy), clarke, octavia, (finn)
rating/warnings: pg13
(hinting at child abuse/neglect)

word count: 877
prompt: raven/bellamy. i am giving you the entire story. you have already leafed through my pages. you have seen the whole show. your approval is not my concern. by youcallitwinter at fluffyfrolicker's all shall bow: multi-fandom women comment ficathon
a/n: sorry not sorry

like mother like daughter, right?Collapse )

[fic] shall i play the hunted? (1/13)

fic: shall i play the hunted?
fandom: the 100
characters:Clarke, Bravenlarke, Flarke, Octavia/Lincoln, Finn, Abbie, Anya, ensemble
word count: ~1200
summary: in the stories, red riding hood was seduced by a wolf and saved by a huntsman. there’s never been a case of stars and girls with eyes as sharp as knives. this isn’t your grandmother’s tale (or maybe it always was)

a/n: going to plan on a chapter to coincide with each episode for now and depending on how this works/what canon does in the next two weeks, it may go longer. too soon to say.

When Clarke woke up in the drop ship her first thought should have been damn I don’t have my pills, but she never really took her mother’s fairy tales at their word.

She probably should have.

(They were tucked into her boot and she took them on instinct because she didn’t know how to live any other way. No woman in her family ever had. She took them with her eyes closed and without any water to wash them down. They were small enough to hide, small enough to lose if she thought about it – or rather, forgot to think about it.

She never wondered why other women didn’t need them.

She forgot to consider the fact that she was back on Earth and things worked different down here.)

While in her holding cell, Abbie was allowed to visit Clarke every day to administer special vitamins to counteract a genetic deficiency.

Alone in a cell with only her thoughts and the Earth swirling in the distance, she finally had the chance to consider just how odd that was.

Mom, a genetic deficiency would have been weeded out generations ago on the Ark.

It’s just a vitamin, Clarke.

There are restrictions on everything up here, mom. Why would this one thing be any different?

I told you, your great-great-something grandmother brought enough on board to last the number of generations that she presumed would need them. It’s only to last us until we get back home.

Why even let us procreate, mom? Shouldn’t I be impossible?

Kids like the Blake girl are impossible. We are just ignored anomalies.

What she forgot was that on the Ark, one small pill a day was enough to keep her normal.

On Earth, it was a whole different ballgame.

She just never thought she’d ever be on Earth and once she was, all the stories her mother had ever told her disappeared into the black hole of fear she carried in her chest like a totem.

She smelled the deer before they all saw it.

It smelled of fresh, living sinew and meat and fur. She could practically feel the soft down of its coat under her fingers before it appeared in her vision.

Her direction had changed a while back, but no one noticed. She was prowling, stalking something. All thoughts of the supplies and the mission were overshadowed with a deep and feral need. When she finally saw the peaceful beast, a deep moan or growl got caught in her throat and she felt almost as though she would choke on it.

She turned to the Space Walker for a cue and spread her lips into a thin smile to match his bright one.

She didn’t need to look at the deer to know what it was doing, to feel it’s every movement on her skin, to taste the grass it ate in her mouth, wrapping around her tongue like a caress. What she needed was to focus on the person beside her, form her movements in a mirror image of his.

You are human. You are human. You are human, she chanted to herself as she let them lead her back on the path towards their goal, the forest around her seeming to chant along with her.

There was nothing else she could be, really.

Weren’t they all human?

Once, in the days when things were simple and her very life wasn’t on the line every moment, she heard her parents arguing.

All parents argue, she guesses.

All couples on the Ark argue.

It’s too small and too cramped of quarters not to notice.

There’s nowhere for the strain of marital bliss to go.

(Romance has been dead for generations anyway.
Romance will never be dead and Clarke guesses that’s why there’s so many extra-marital affairs in the end.

Dreams always wither and die in the light of day.
Reality will never disappoint you.)

This argument stuck in her mind, like a magnet to metal.

It was something ridiculous. Maybe about laundry or someone working too late. Something negligible. Something that shouldn’t have been a fight but was because sometimes the arguments you choose are the ones that mean the least so that you can say something worth meaning.

In the space between a sob and a screech her mother’s voice rang out loud and clear, You stopped seeing me as human since that night. Why won’t you just walk away?

Clarke spent the night with Boyd watching old films with his father and giggling because that’s what ten year olds do when their parents need a night to themselves. In the morning, their small quarters carried in them a strange musky scent and there were deep gashes on her father’s arms that he kept covered for a few weeks.

And her mother took two pills that morning with a wistful smile, her cheeks more rosy than normal and her limbs moved like liquid instead of her usual controlled, sharpness.

She felt herself drifting away from her mother after that, or maybe before, maybe always or maybe only recently.

There was a comfort in her father’s ease that was missing from her mother’s controlled motions.

He said – wistfully almost – that they were so much alike, his strong, clear-eyed women. (She was a woman to her father long before she was a girl and shortly after she was a baby. He didn’t believe in children. He believed in promise, in what could be, in acting as though the future was already upon him.)

You should tell her. His voice a whisper above her head as she slept, a plea, a wish, a request.

And then the soft touch of a thin finger brushing back a strand of her hair.

Not yet.

Fathers, in Clarke’s estimable opinion, were bright smiles and warm arms and a gentle ear.
Mothers, she decided at too young an age to change her mind, were secrets and control and hiding.

Remember to take your pills said the note wedged into her sock with a packet of small yellow pills.

So she did. At first.

No one could say she had ever been anything other than a good daughter.

No one could say that she had ever been anything other than good.

It smells different than I …

Different than you thought it would?

He was all swagger and freckles and smirks and bright eyes and he smelled as though he was home. (They all smelled out of place. Like canned air being let out to dry. The whole lot of them made her feel sick to her stomach and restless. Like she could run for days and days.) He smelled as though she could take his hand and run with him until the sun set and the stars came out and keep going.

His scent tasted more wild than the trees, more fragile than the flowers the girls were collecting in garlands about their heads.

Yeah, was all she said.

And it was too much.

Because with him near and her back against a tree, she forgot for a moment what she was entirely.

Control. Secrets. Hiding.

Like mother like daughter, I guess.

a/n: I can't believe I'm actually doing this. In hindsight, I probably should have just made this my heroinebang, but I'm a needy writer and am desperate for comments on this idea. 

[fic] sorry for wanting so much

fic: sorry for wanting so much (ao3)
fandom: the 100
ship: bellarke (aka: my leader ship), bellFlarke leadership implied
word count: ~1,000
prompt: (from happyg_rl) I can't remember if you make me feel or if you were the one to make me numb
a/n: I haven't ventured far into bellarke fandom, but it looks like a lot of "bellamy feels protective and clarke gets hurt again" ... this is not that obviously. #endgame

Your parents don't tell you how to survive when the world is on your shoulders.

They just place it there gently, over time, as if you won't notice the weight.

As if you won't feel it just between your shoulder blades, urging you forward and always whispering you to stop.

Stop moving, stop feeling, stop thinking, stop worrying, let it go.

Clarke remembers that glance in the woods. At the beginning of everything. The day they set their boundaries. (The day she set the boundaries.) (The day they realized without speaking that they were all working together.) She replays it in her head like a totem.

She doesn't have anything from the Ark. Just memories.

She stops lamenting that somewhere along the way. Stops mourning her friend - the last one who remembered who she was before they called her princess. (He carried too much of her in his eyes. She thanks the trees that he's not there sometimes. She feels ugly for doing so.

She can't abide the idea of having that reflection staring back at her every day.)

Now she has them. A family of sorts. As fucked up as families can get.

The kind that fight in the woods and then glance back at each other to affirm that what really happened just happened.

(They look at each other sometimes. And it's always about her. She understands. She doesn't recognize the words coming out of her mouth as her own anymore. Except they are more her than ever. And that's all she has anymore. So it's enough.)

(Even if nothing will ever feel like enough again.)

No one has a brother.

And it shows.

So he does what he was made for. He shows them how.

She can feel herself being pulled towards darkness.

Or maybe it's the other way around.

She can feel herself sprinting towards the darkness.

It catches in her throat like a toxin and there's no cure for it. There's only day after day of trudging along. (And stolen glances for her and between them and sometimes she's there and sometimes she's absent.)

It's strange when she falls and he doesn't catch her.

But only one of them can play the hero.

And she never said that it was allowed.

So sure. He'll be the one on the outside if that's what it takes. He'll trudge through the muck and the grime and keep them all steady as long as she's not on the ground. As long as there's someone there to catch her then his heart won't end end up lying in mud beside her.

(Except she's always in sight.
Except it's almost like instinct to reach for her.
Except his muscles scream in protest when she isn't near.)

Except nothing because it's war and that's all there is now.

Her mother told her a story once about a princess and a dragon. Of course the knight rescued the princess. That's how these stories always work.

She wishes she could ask what happens when the princess is responsible for a kingdom full of people and there is no dragon, just a dark knight and a prince who sit at her left and at her right and keep her from spinning out of control.

She wants to ask if she's wishing for too much.

(She wants to ask what happens when there is only the night and that's enough.)

There's no asking mother for bedtime stories anymore.

He thinks maybe they are in one. That the dirt under his fingernails will get washed away in a hundred years and all that will be remembered is ... a boy probably. A man maybe.

(The two of them he thinks.
They were never really in this alone.)

Everyone has a totem.

She has a glance in the woods. An acknowledgement that they aren't alone, the two of them.

He has a simple phrase to repeat to himself.

I need you. I need you. I need you.

(She says it one night on top of him, her hand covering his lips. And he does what he's told because he's a good soldier. And she lets him brush the hair away from her face and cup her cheeks gently, ever so gently. And he doesn't wipe away her tears because that's not who they've ever been.

Her riding him into darkness.

Him letting another catch her when she falls.

Her crying into his palms even as she bites back a moan.

Him never holding on as tight as he'd like.)

Sometimes she seems too young to be there and he feels desperately ancient, trying to keep up, wanting to slow her down, to throw her over his shoulder and tickle her beneath the ribs just like he used to with Octavia. Wanting to throw her into a lake and hear her scream with laughter because she never laughs enough.

Sometimes she imagines their lives on the Ark. A dashing guard and a princess. She imagines lively nights with her parents at dinner and his bashful smile as he ducks his head to leave, always too tall, too large for the spaces she occupies. She imagines their one child, with impossible freckles and wild hair.

But she's carrying too much weight to pick her up just yet. She'll crumble any pedestal he tries to erect.

But he's the right size for Earth. He couldn't have lasted long on the Ark, especially in her world.

Sometimes he feels reckless and wants to shield her.

Sometimes she feels reckless and wants to damage him.

So they damage each other.

And let others pick up the pieces.

(Or not. It's not like they weren't broken before.)

She hopes to find a library someday. Untouched by the damages of the Earth. She wants to search through the pages and find them there. She admits this to him in a moment of weakness, their shoulders touching, a breeze gently teasing her hair. A story of a king and a queen who challenged each other, who went into a war they couldn't win, who made bad choices with their backs against a wall, who worked together and maybe kind of hated each other a lot of the time.

"There must be a success rate for people like us," is all she really says. But it feels like a confession or a plea.

He smiles his crooked smile, "Princess there's never been people like us."

And it sounds like the most desperate wish of them all.

[fic] breathing for mine
title: breathing for mine (ao3)
pairing: slayer!Drusilla/OFC (Watcher)
rating: pg
written for: Marta
prompt: (blend) slayer!Drusilla/OFC* (the Sight, fringes of society, Watchers) // OC historical slayer / her slightly younger Watcher (newbie Watcher, jaded Slayer, blood)
warnings: references to Drusilla's torture by Angelus, references to Watcher corruption, references to insanity
words: 1617

[meme] 10 movies that Define me

Meme stolen from eilowyn

Everyone should post their ten most CRUCIAL CRUCIAL CRUCIAL films, like the films that explain everything about yourselves in your current incarnations (not necessarily your ten favorite films but the ten films that you, as a person existing currently, feel would help people get to know you) (they can change later on obviously).

1. Don Juan DeMarco I was discussing this meme with happyg_rl and we agreed that this movie could probably be my numbers one through ten and I wouldn't regret it. It's about a man who sees beauty and magic and romance in the world, when others cannot. Although his life is completely ordinary, he lives as though he is a true Romantic Hero. And it is beautiful. Absolutely the most defining and precious movie in the universe to me. If you want to understand me at all - watch this film.

2. Anne of Green Gables Probably this could go down in a 'ten defining books' list instead. But the movies were really important to me as a child also? And the rendition that Megan Follows does of 'The Highwayman' is why it remains one of my very favorite poems to this day.

3. Star Wars Always important. Always relevant. Never not relevant. The beginnings of my geekdom as we know it.

4. City of God is one of those movies that I think everyone should watch... with the knowledge that probably not everyone is going to like it. The sociopolitical aspects are what make it so memorable and important to me - but it's the visceral depictions of such a harsh, violent world that keep it dear in my heart. Also themes like loyalty, found families, honest discussions of poverty, etc.

5. Batman (1989) if there is a film that defines my childhood, it is probably this one. There's not much to it other than that - this film reminds me of being a teen, a child, of transition and growing and learning. Also Jack Nicholson, okay?

6. The 40 Year Old Virgin okay just listen. MEN IN LOVE BEING IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER AND IN LOVE. Guys. This is a bromance movie 100% - yes, the sexual/gender politics are wonky at best. But you know what? At the end of the day - a man was honest to his friends and to his girlfriend and he was rewarded. These men are emotional and honest and complicated. And that's fucking awesome. Because too often men are depicted as being hyper-masculine. In this film, that concept is rejected out of hand. It doesn't work for any of them. And they are all okay with that. (I just really love it, okay?) ((Harold and Kumar go to White Castle probably makes more sense here and I love it equally and for similar reasons. So there's that.))

7. Ong-bak lol probably no one knows how much I love martial arts and the UFC - this is the film. This is my secret life. The part of me that will never, ever die because I love stuff like this. And maybe this isn't the best film to show that - but it's beautiful and has no discernible plot and the fighting is so gorgeous ... Tony Jaa is just perfect.

8. Center Stage this is the ballet movie to end all ballet movies. There will never be a movie that means more to me in the very center of my broken ballerina heart. I haven't danced in years and this is not the film to be like 'hey this is what dance is like' but goddamnit it's such a good film! No one isn't lovely. It is an intrinsic part of my soul. Also: found families.

9. The Boondock Saints so my sister is now in possession of all of my movies. And she teases me on the daily for all of the 'dude-bro' films that I own and (actually) REALLY REALLY LOVE. There's so many that I could have chosen for this space - but this (or Snatch) (or Memento) (omg Memento) probably takes the cake. I love interesting narrative techniques coupled with intrigue and gun-slinging. Just all three of these are gorgeous films and appeal to a deep sense of loving violent films in me.

10. Bend it Like Beckham because girls in love and family expectations and friendship and doing what you love and breaking gender norms and hilarious bra-shopping sequences. There are very few films that I love as much as this film.

*** Funny Girl as the ultimate: surely there should be a musical on this list, but I can't think of where to place it and what to get rid of so it's just going down as: life-defining film, necessary to my life.   

Honorable mentions go to:: Unbreakable, Benny & Joon, Fallen, Royal Tenenbaums, Brotherhood of the Wolf, The Mirror Has Two Faces, and Say Anything. But I feel like I ran out of space! Also all of these could go and replace others above - but in different ways? Unbreakable fulfills some of the same love of narrative that Don Juan gives me in a more emotionally sustaining way. And the others are sort of indefinable, but equally important? I feel like if you make it through the ten above and still want to know more - here is the secondary list. Okay, so you know the ranges of my personality - these honorable mentions are like ... you are devoted to our relationship and getting to know me more intimately.


what is this meme it will be the death of me I hate everything

this was weird?

[meme] first lines, last lines

Stolen from snickfic and as it's my first time - I'm only doing those on ao3 (and excluding Noona)

First Lines

1. She watches them splash blood in the hallway like forgotten warriors in a war long gone cold; because there was a victor (maybe) or a winning side (doubtful) and only the old ones come out to lick their wounds and break them open (just one last time). with capes and stuff

2. It could’ve gone any other way. blurring the lines

3. I know what it's like to not be wanted. i don't want to name you tonight, let's just stay faceless in the dark

4. Spike takes Dawn on a roadtrip. hearing, seeing (ch 01)

5. "But I've seen the future remember? Last Slayer in the world - has a crazy twin brother? We did this part already!" shadow girls

6. The knock comes too soon. She's still staring down at her shirt in her hand. you're here, too?

7. She can sometimes still feel the earth fall away under her feet and there's nothing but water and water and water everywhere. and they say I'm the prickly one

8. It's like lather, rinse, repeat the way you always find each other. patterns in the sand

9. The nights are long. let's keep count; one plus one is three

10. It starts like this, in puns and silences and old jokes and forgotten lines. irregular heartbeats

11. They say High School is the best time of your life. smile, the end is nigh

12. “I only know how to break them, not how to keep them.” “Come on, that's the easy part.” how to break hearts and lose your own

13. There were three things in her life that Dawn was angry about for all the wrong reasons. being feeling, angry human

14. She kept checking her phone and email, wishing someone would make contact, before reminding herself for the last time (she swears) that there's no one on the other end. years away and nowhere to go

15. She will sometimes dream up the perfect boyfriend when she is safe between her covers and the lights are all off and her white noise machine is set to low and her to-do list for today is complete and the to-do list for tomorrow is expertly color-coded and her nightly facial regime is done and the day is over so she lets herself sink between the sheets and paint a man in the sky like clouds. hold still, the painting isn't done

16. how dare you (she whispers in a still, small voice.) smoke and flame

17. we are wild, we are children of the dust, we are incomplete In my Thirteenth year, I met a girl and made her a Queen

18. They told me in the morning that you were dead and I think I waited to scream until then. through the looking glass

19. No, Mom! I want it to be shorter! just like you

20. She's the very last one they expect to run away. running away isn't as hard as they say

Last Lines

1. Anyway, she's already gone. with capes and stuff

2. Because some day you’re going to walk into battle with my heart and I’ll never stop waiting. blurring the lines ch01

3. I want you. Is the one thing they'll never say. i don't want to name you tonight, let's just stay faceless in the dark

4. So I'm the fucking hero now. Betcha wish you could stop me, huh sis? hearing, seeing (ch 01)

5. This is where the dreaming begins. Somewhere between your world and mine. shadow girls

6. Because adulthood is sitting on the counter eating cookies with her sisters and laughing because they survived and so they can. you're here, too?

7. This is her peace. and they say I'm the prickly one

8. Hi hunny. How was your day? What did you do? patterns in the sand

9. And she doesn't say, I'm sorry. let's keep count; one plus one is three

10. Where nothing is safe at all. (It's the only way to run forward and they both know it.) irregular heartbeats

11. Welcome to Neptune. smile, the end is nigh

12. He learned how to protect his heart. How to guard it. How to make demands for it. How to treasure it the way he treasured the people he gave his heart recklessly to. Too bad Kim Jaejoong never learned that lesson for himself. how to break hearts and lose your own

13. This is what she thinks makes her so human, in the end. The moments when she wishes she weren't. being feeling, angry human

14. Time works like this: with your lips on mine in a crowded college party and we are just two girls with beers in our hand and lights in our eyes and devils on our shoulders. years away and nowhere to go

15. "My skin will be so happy," and he smiles. hold still, the painting isn't done

16. Here's the truth: only a beast can carry the burden of a beastly shadow. Did you really think this would end any other way? smoke and flame

17. The Doctor only laughed joyfully, her hair falling like a curtain, Don't you see yet, girl? I'm going to be the death of you. In my Thirteenth year, I met a girl and made her a Queen

18. The shadows can’t scare her anymore. through the looking glass

19. (I got your bruises and your armor, too.) just like you

20. And it's never the reason that keeps you from coming back. running away isn't as hard as they say

So I decided to do 20 because I thought that was a good number, right? This is everything I have written in 2014!!! and this is the moment where I probably should say something profound about my writing, but all I can really focus on is HOW MUCH OMG. (And I didn't even include Noona!)

[help] flist assistance needed

So upupa_epops is helpfully enabling me to sign up for this year's femslash big bang. And I really, really want to do it, because I think this year I may be ready for a bigbang of this caliber.

However, I have no clue what to write. I know that I want established-relationship fic. No "omg I'm GAY!?" or "OMG YOU LOVE ME?" because: no. That's 100% not what I want to write. Something where the conflict is not relationship-driven.

So I'm opening up the floodgates. Prompt me! Help me brainstorm! (Granted, ya'll do this for me all the time and I do have several prompts saved in my inbox that are waiting for me to write, but I'm not confident any of those are bang size?)

What do you have for me, flist? Maybe some of your suggestions will cause a spark.

[fic] Noona-verse 20/21

title: In which Jang Dongwoo learns some things about himself
fandom: Buffy, Infinite, Miss A, Supernatural, Nine Muses, BEG
characters: Dongwoo, Minha, Sera, Miryo, Ga In, Lee Sam
word count: 2400
summary: One doesn’t grow up the sister of a warrior without learning a little bit about knowing who needs protection. One doesn’t grow up surrounded by knights of old without wanting a cause worth fighting for. This is a Dongwoo-centric chapter

a/n: This chapter was a huge struggle for me for many, many reasons. Consequently, it is quite a bit shorter than I had originally intended. At some point in the future, Dongwoo's entire story will be revealed in more detail. I promise.

Also, yes - you read that correctly. This is the second to last chapter for this particular Noona-verse story. This is not the end of the 'verse by a long shot - but this is the end to Origins. Now that the world is (mostly) established, we can move on to more concentrated stories and character-centric stuff.


And the Old Ones agree and he understands for the first time why things such Ancient things need handmaidens in their midst.Collapse )

[meme] numbers are weird

ao3 stats meme stolen from snickfic because I have a half hour to kill and I'm curious

Top 5 by hits
irregular heartbeats veronica mars (film 'verse) veronica/logan [293]
This is about the (now infamous) silent car scene in the film. Marshmallows are an insanely happy bunch of fans and this brought in a lot of traffic almost at once. And it's just a teeny drabble-length fic! Totally blew me by surprise how many people are hitting on this.

crushing all your walls right down heirs, youngdo/eunsang [3814]
This is a really small fandom and readers are really enthusiastic about anything they can get their hands on. And since this is an au/canon-divergent piece, I wasn't expecting that. But it's great to know that there's kdrama fans out there in the ao3 space, looking for things to read, you know?

in our noir life vampire diaries elena/damon [7848]
LOL omg this piece. This hilarious BDSM-club AU. WHY DO PEOPLE TRY TO READ THIS? I haven't even worked up the courage to even FINISH this. I have no explanation. Sorry to everyone.

let's keep count one plus one is three veronica mars veronica/weevil/logan [1676]
Once again, Marshmallows prove to be the most actively engaged fandom of the moment. And though this isn't an ot3 that gets a lot of love from the LoVe fandom - there's a need for good writers in this space. (I've peeked. There's not a lot of good out there.)

she likes to ruin them (she likes to watch) heirs rachel/eunsang(youngdo) [1308]
Once again, Heirs fandom surprises me. (Might also have something to do with the fact that this is straight kink and has tags like: "cock bondage, voyeurism, orgasm delay/denial" etc.) You kinky minxes.


Top 5 stories by kudos
irregular heartbeats veronica mars

crushing all your walls right down heirs

let's keep count one plus one is three veronica mars

smile, the end is nigh veronica mars gen [2016]
What this tells me is two things: either Marshmallows are more likely to kudo than tVD fans, OR I need to finish my BDSM-AU. Also probably both.

like a summer's day oz: the great and powerful evanora/theodora/glinda [2069]
This piece continues to get a lot of love. There aren't many pieces for this fandom (22 total on oa3 at the moment) and was the very first to be published when the film was still in theatres. So it's been there the longest. Which is a pretty good feeling.

So basically what I've learned is that regardless of my writing, Marshmallows will eat up whatever you give them. And on the other hand - the smaller the fandom, the more likely you'll get love. And my epic Anna piece that I'm so proud of is basically ignored. Go figure.

(ps - I will get caught up on comments and being a real person in a few days, I promise!! I'm avoiding my inbox a bit right now because I'm a terrible person. ilu all)


July 2014


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